I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
