thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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