In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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