he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
