when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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