My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
