she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
