if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
