Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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