You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
