I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
