Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
