My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
