you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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