I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
