Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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