I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
