Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
