I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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