I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
