One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
