I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
