just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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