his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a bag of teeth...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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