At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
