Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
