Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
