woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize