I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
