Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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