Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
