HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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