Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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