he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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