You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize