Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize