I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
