Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
