the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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