That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
