I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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