Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
