direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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