Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
