im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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