Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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