i would punch a child for taco bell
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
