Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
