Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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