We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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