I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize