she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
