well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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