Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
