Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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