I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
