i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
