dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
