i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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