Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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