Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
