Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
