Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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