Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
