I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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