Hey man sorry I got all grabby
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
