and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
