you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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