Where is the hickey?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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