i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
