my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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