She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
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There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...