I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
