dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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