I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize