dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...