so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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